


AC2014 [17]: 10 Facts About Felipe Massa

by twotenths



Series: F1 Advent Challenge 2014 [14]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: 10 facts, Advent Challenge 2014, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 23:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2791889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twotenths/pseuds/twotenths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rob writes down some facts about Felipe Massa, with help from the man himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	AC2014 [17]: 10 Facts About Felipe Massa

**Author's Note:**

> A fanfic trope I've been dying to use. Most of these facts are from canon or at least collective head canons.
> 
> Normal text is Rob
> 
>  
> 
> _Italic text is Felipe_

**10 facts about Felipe Massa, by his long suffering, handsome engineer (with rebukes from Felipe Massa— _what’s a rebuke?_ For fucks sake ..) **

 

1\. His feet stink. I mean, they absolutely reek. I know he spends most of his life crammed into a sweltering hot cockpit, but that’s no excuse, it’s disgusting. And no matter how many times I buy him shoe deodorant for Christmas, he still won’t take the hint

_The more you buy me it for Christmas, the more I will not use it. It’s a rubbish present. And they don’t smell that bad._

 

2\. He’s a notorious lightweight and a daft git for it. The Ferrari Christmas party used to be a bloody nightmare when he and Cigar got drinking.

_This one is true. Do you remember the time we stole your shoes and put them down the toilet and you had to walk home in bare feet?_

Yep.

_I miss Francesco._

 

3\. He never listens. You can even tell when he’s not listening because his eyes glaze over and he stares off into middle distance. I wouldn’t mind so much if he just admitted he wasn’t listening but he never does! He tries to bluff his way through an answer to whatever question you’ve asked him, profusely denying the whole time that he wasn’t listening—and ten minutes later he’ll ask about what I had just told him. Bloody infuriating.

_I am beginning to think you have only bad things to say about me._

 

4\. I nearly left the sport because of him.

_Awwww .. When I broke my head in 2009?_

No, when you tipped that glass of ice over my head, you big bully.

_I am glad to see you are not so traumatised about my LIFE THREATENING ACCIDENT any more to be able to joke about it._

You took your smashed up helmet to a poker match with you so you could wreck Rubens’ game and win lots of money off him, barely a YEAR after it happened.

_.. Okay._

 

5\. He’s a very tactile man.

_??_

Touchy feely. You’re always poking me, touching my arm, getting up in my personal space.

_Says the man who always leans so far into my cockpit that I can’t read my own telemetry!_

Hey, I didn’t say I minded, did I?

_Neither did I._

 

6\. Generally, he’s quite laid back and relaxed. He’s pretty chirpy most of the time, and his fiery latin temper has only got him into trouble one or two times. But, because I know him so well, I can wind him up without any effort at all.

_That’s not true!_

I can wind you up using only two words.

_Go on then._

Felipe Baby.

_ARRRRRGGHHHHHHHH. Caralho! All the time I get this, wherever I go, thanks to YOU being deliberately annoying over the radio._

It’s too easy.

 

7\. My nickname for him is Phillip.

_Okay. You say this like you are so clever and funny. Even now you are giggling to yourself like a child! As long as it makes you happy and your eyes all twinkly and your face go red. I like it when you blush._

 

8\. If he wasn’t an F1 driver, he would be a nude model. A very short nude model. He’s such a bloody exhibitionist, every time I nip into his room to go over some telemetry with him or something he basically sprawled out on his sofa naked. It’s quite distracting.

_This is not true. If I wasn’t an F1 driver, I would be a competitive eater and get fat and you would be disappointed instead of pleased when I took my clothes off._

 

9\. He’s a daft soppy bastard. He cries at everything. Cries on the podium, cries at sad films, especially if the film has dogs in it, cries in the shower ..

_This is a character assassination. You cry too._

I only cry when you take your shoes off.

 

10\. I knew the second I sat down with him before the European Grand Prix in 2006 that he was going to get on the podium that weekend. He was special, and after we’d worked together in the test team, I knew just how to nudge him into releasing his potential. After that, I knew he was going to win lots of races and be a champion someday, because he’s one hell of a driver—and I still believe that.

See Felipe? You cry at everything!

_Fuck off._


End file.
